Balance

Over the last few months I have really struggled with blogging. Like really struggled. Blogging is competitive, yet bloggers are a dime a dozen. I really struggled with the fact that I need to "brand" myself & run my blog as a business. I've watched people that I'm not sure I "get" or relate to gain follower after follower. I find myself wondering "what does she have that I don't?" I see them post things that I wouldn't, but it seems to be working for them. I'm all for "keeping it real," but I have noticed that that's all some bloggers & influencers seem to talk about? Like, who are you trying to convince?

I can honestly say that you just see snippets of my life. You see the moments when Kess is being funny, cute or witty. You see the moments when my husband & I finally get a date night. You see the new house that we are building. You see moments when I actually get dressed for the day.

What you don't see is our morning routine. What you don't see is Kess throwing a fit because I won't let her eat Skittles for breakfast. What you don't see is the long hours my husband works in a week. What you don't see is the fact that we prayed, cried & worked to be in a place where we can build this home. What you don't see is that Matt & I lock hands every night & thank our Heavenly Father for everything we have & tell him that we recognize that all of our blessings & gifts are from Him.

Social media is a super fickle thing. Every body approaches it differently, I guess. I try to keep my feed & blog real, honest, but positive. I'm not sure I'm succeeding, you guys. I'll be completely honest - I thought this blogging business would be easier. I thought people would just love me (because I'm adorable) & my following would take off like wild fire. I never imaged that I would notice that I lose 5 followers in 1 day. I never imaged that it would hurt my feelings.

I'm a big believer in balance. I believe in finding a spouse that helps you balance out & visa versa. I believe in eating quinoa & cupcakes (not together, of course.) I believe in finding your own balance. I'm not sure I've found mind. I think it will constantly change. But, I can't help but wonder if I'm making the right choices. Am I finding the right balance? Do I spend too much time worrying/thinking about the blog. I'm constantly worried about content, about how many views a post got, about how I come across to other people. Are these the things I should be worried about? Am I focusing enough time on the people that mean the world to me. Does Kess know that I love her more than anything? Does my husband know that I love him? Does he know that I love that I get to be home with our daughter? Do I even want my blog to gain more attention? Will it take my attention away from my family? Do I focus enough of my time on Kess? Are the perks worth the time & effort? Am I chasing after perks instead or focusing on my main mission? Have I "branded" myself? Do I want to "brand" myself? Have others "branded" me? What do my readers think of me? What about the readers who have never met me?

Even as I type this out I get a little sad. I had no idea this much was weighing on my mind. Is my focus in the right place? One thing is for sure, I love writing this blog. I like having my own little place to write my thoughts & to share... but I would let it all go for my husband & for Kess. in.a.heartbeat. 

A few weeks ago I decided to read Kess a different book that our usual. I grabbed "Oh, the Place's You'll Go" by Dr. Suess. I have heard this read at graduations & little blips here & there, but I have never sat down & read the whole book. As I read it to Kess I started to tear up...

Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You're off to Great Places!

You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself 

any direction you choose.

You're on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.

About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, 

you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any

you'll want to go down.

In that case, of course,

you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there

in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen

and frequently do

to people as brainy

and footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,

don't worry. Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You'll start happening too.

OH!

THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!

You'll be seeing great sights!

You'll join the high fliers

who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.

You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.

Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.

Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so

but, sadly, it's true

that Bang-ups

and Hang-ups

can happen to you.

You can get all hung up

in a prickle-ly perch.

And your gang will fly on.

You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch

with an unpleasant bump.

And the chances are, then,

that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,

you're not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself

is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.

Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.

A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!

Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?

How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...

or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?

Or go around back and sneak in from behind?

Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,

for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused

that you'll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come, or a plane to go

or the mail to come, or the rain to go

or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

or the waiting around for a Yes or No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for the wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.

NO!

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape

all that waiting and staying

You'll find the bright places

where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,

once more you'll ride high!

Ready for anything under the sky.

Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!

There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.

And the magical things you can do with that ball

will make you the winning-est winner of all.

Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be,

with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't

Because, sometimes they won't.

I'm afraid that some times

you'll play lonely games too.

Games you can't win

'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not,

Alone will be something

you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance

you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.

There are some, down the road between hither and yon,

that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go

though the weather be foul.

On you will go

though your enemies prowl.

On you will go

though the Hakken-Kraks howl.

Onward up many

a frightening creek,

though your arms may get sore

and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike,

And I know you'll hike far

and face up to your problems

whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,

as you already know.

You'll get mixed up 

with many strange birds as you go.

So be sure when you step.

Step with care and great tact

and remember that Life's 

a Great Balancing Act.

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.

And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

You're off the Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So...get on your way!

The bold passages hit me hard. I find myself struggling to find who I am sometimes. I have often talked to Matt about the big dreams I had when I first started dating him. Those dreams were everything. I could feel my own heart beat faster when I talked about them  Those dreams have changed, so does that mean I failed? I had big dreams to open my own salon, to make tons of money, to be the boss.

Now I'm the boss of a tiny little human who tests every boundary like it's her job (because it is.) Now I am gearing up to run my small cosmetology business out of my house so I can be home with my best girl & future babies. Talk about a dream come true! So no, I didn't get to be the big boss of a successful salon, but I get to be home with my babies. I get to be there for everything they need. I get to be there for their "firsts." I get to make their lunches & cut their cheese into star shapes. I get to make some extra money for my family, I get to write my feelings out for the whole internet to read (yikes.) I get to make "Instagram friends."

 I find myself just posting about the things I love, just in case you might love them, too. I'll be over here, posting the things I love - which will mostly consist of  Matt, Kess & more Matt & Kess. I'll throw in the occasional outfit post, I'll share the ins & outs of building our home, I'll post a favorite recipe & I'll share products that I'm in love with. Heck, I don't even know. But thanks for following along & making me feel loved.

Cheers to finding balance.